Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
