for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at about main and main street
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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