Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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