i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
