Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
