why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
