Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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