mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dignity is for republicans.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
