I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
