these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
