How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
