Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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