omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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