Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
