How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
