Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
