She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
