u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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