I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
