I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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