i need an iv and a liver transplant
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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