Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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