I wish I could punch you in the face.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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