What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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