Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
