tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
