I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
