My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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