hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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