the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
