Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
