Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
