So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In America we eat man semen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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