Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
