I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
