im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We left an ass print on the piano.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My bed smells like the plague
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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