Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
