oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
