I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
