I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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