I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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