i think my tv is drunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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