So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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