my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if only i could text you this smell
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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