Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
