If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My ass is underappreciated
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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