I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
