I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
