Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
