Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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