does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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