1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
