In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
