drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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