I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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