I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
