nut hugger
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
