guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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