I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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