Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
